My health and fitness journey has been a long and winding one. I don’t know if it was my generation or my household, but I didn’t grow up with any optimal examples of health and wellness. In high school I was active naturally, although I always carried insecurities about my stronger and “thicker” body type and envied my slimmer schoolmates. Come college, I put on the “freshman 15” and began viewing diet and exercise as a means to slim down.
Somewhere in my twenties, I realized that I enjoyed exercise – a lot. And that it helped my mental health. But I was nonetheless caught in a cycle of rigid thinking around the routine – I was either “eating well” (aka restricting) and working out hard, or I would snowball into the opposite of letting the workout routine go and overindulging (followed by guilt and shame). I became pregnant with Evan at 32, gained 65 pounds and felt disgusted with myself, worked hard to lose the weight by 6 months postpartum and then found out I was pregnant with Ellis.
After having Ellis it took me a bit longer to get back to a place where I felt I could focus on “losing the weight.” I had two babies under two and saying it was hard to find the time or energy was an understatement. When I did eventually ease back into a routine, I became very frustrated by slow progress and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. As Ellis turned one, I did my first Whole30 which was an initial turning point for me in learning about my body’s – and more importantly my mind’s – relationship with food. I began to realize my roots in emotional eating and began to examine what’s behind a restriction/binge/guilt cycle.
For the last two and a half years since that first Whole30 I’ve done quite a bit of soul searching and learning, really focusing on how to create a better relationship with food and trust in myself to eat intuitively without following any diet. I’ve also worked to have a view of health and fitness on a long-term continuum with natural ebbs and flows, which means if I eat an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s one night I don’t then skip my workout the next day and revisit my habits months later after giving up for getting “off track.” Instead, I eat ice cream when I want to and work out when I want to. I think there are a lot of aspects of this I could dig into on this blog, because there are many layers to making progress in moving past the restriction/binge/guilt cycles and allowing more “gray area” thinking and space on this journey. For now, I wanted to share my six most important epiphanies or “aha moments” I’ve had over the last decade or so of learning:
1: Examine your motivation.
In my opinion, too many people approach nutrition and fitness from a place of frustration or discontent with themselves – and this will never work long term. You need to come at it from a place of love, not hate. If you are setting out with a focus only on your appearance, changes are you will get frustrated and give up. Instead of the internal dialogue of, “I am so disgusted with myself, I need to lost 10 pounds and I have to get serious.” How about, “I am so thankful for my body and what it does for me – I want to honor it by taking better care of it.” Rather than measuring your progress in pounds, inches, and pants sizes why not consider how you feel, if you sleep better, your energy level, and your muscle gains? I’ve had both these mentalities, and I know for some people the latter takes some practice – but I promise you it is one of the keys to consistency and long-term payoff.
2: Don’t set expectations you aren’t willing to work to achieve.
Are you a size 12 and want to be a size 6? Well, first you need to examine whether or not that’s even feasible or healthy for your body type. If it is, you next need to ask yourself if you’re really willing to do the work to achieve that goal. If you are, go for it! If you’re not, recognize that it is OK. You need to set expectations that are in alignment with how you want to live your life – as I said earlier, restriction and two-a-day workouts are not sustainable. Would I like washboard abs? Sure! But not if it means I have to give up ice cream. That goal isn’t worth it to me to put in the effort to achieve. And that’s OK.
3: Learn the difference between reasons and excuses.
This one is important, because with all of the pressure of “self-care” I think that women – especially moms – can feel a lot of pressure and guilt to make time for health and fitness that sometimes just isn’t realistic. When you’re a new mom, up multiple times a night to feed a baby, struggling with the return to work or a daughter whose parent or child or significant other is ill – those are REASONS, not excuses. There’s a big difference, and it’s okay to have seasons of life where your health and fitness have to take a backseat. Don’t add pressure or guilt to that season by setting unrealistic expectations for yourself. Instead, revisit #1 – determine what you can do for yourself out of love, not a desire to change. If a long walk soothes your soul, try to do that. If you’re too tired, too depleted to do anything – revisit the idea in a month or two and take stock of where you are then.
4: Don’t measure your progress (or worth) on the scale.
I still struggle with this. Just the other day I posted a photo on Instagram with the caption, “remember: the scale is a fickle bitch.” That morning I had weighed myself, which I only do once every week or two, and felt instantly disappointed in what I saw. I came downstairs, did my workout, and took my normal post-workout selfie then looked at it and thought, wow – I look strong! It was a real moment for me of realizing the mental funk a meaningless number can put me in even when I actually like what I see in the mirror. Our worth is so much more than what we weigh, what size we wear, or how many inches our waist is. So. Much. More. Try to base your measurement of progress on how you feel, if your energy improves, if your mood improves – anything besides an arbitrary number that doesn’t paint an accurate picture of health.
5: Find what you enjoy instead of doing what you think you have to do.
Have you ever said or thought, “I need to get in more cardio!” Or “I should be lifting weights.” Let that shit go. You’ll have far greater success and, more importantly, fulfillment if you let go of need to’s and should and start exploring what kind of exercise you enjoy and even look forward to. Life is too short to spend time doing extra things out of obligation and there are simply too many options for you to not find one or two or three you actually love. Explore and figure out what works for you!
6: Remember it’s easier to maintain habits than to create them.
I genuinely look forward to working out every morning, and that’s why I do it every morning. But on the occasion where I have some time off – vacation, illness, etc. – I am reminded how hard it is to get back into a habit. Far harder than maintaining it. So I’d urge you that if you’ve found your way to a routine that is working for you and that you enjoy, stick with it! Keeping consistent is far easier than starting over from scratch.
I certainly don’t mean to make it seem in this blog like I have it all figured out and have reached some sort of “wellness nirvana” – that is far from the truth. I still struggle with body image, I still beat myself up at times for “over-indulging,” and I think the work of learning intuitive eating and adopting a truly healthy perspective on all of this is lifelong. But I wanted to share what I’ve learned so far, and it’s also important to give credit to some sources that have helped me immensely:
• Whole30 – www.whole30.com & Melissa Urban – @melissau
• Danika Brysha – www.danikabrysha.com & @danikabrysha
• Claire Siegel – www.nutritionalfreedom.co & @claire_siegel
